Wow... well that last post was a big fucking mess now wasn't it? But I got my first comment! Yay! People are reading me!
So Thiery asked me to blog about Ambien when I'm not on Ambien, so here goes:
I've tried writing after taking Ambien before and the results are usually pretty hilarious and incoherent at times. It's meant to be a sleep drug, but I've read online that I'm not the only person to take it recreationally from time to time. It's called a "hypnotic" and one of the side effects is that you don't always remember what you did once you wake up. For that reason, you are supposed to go straight to bed once you take it, before your judgments get impaired, but I guess for me, that is part of the thrill.
Like I said in my first post on this blog, I feel like I have way too many inhibitions in the real world; yet while I acknowledge that, I don't seem to be able to break free from them. There is something though about the concept of not being in control, of surrendering myself to someone or something else, that excites me. Like I've never tried bondage or S&M but I fantasize about it.
So I guess taking an Ambien and having a couple beers is one small way in which I surrender a little control, or lose some of my inhibitions -- only I only do this when I am home alone. Honestly, Ambien gives me a nice little buzz before the sleep kicks in. I feel detached from my personality and free to at least fantasize about stuff I wouldn't do otherwise. I have other more drastic fantasies of stuff like being really drunk or high or maybe even on Ambien or something that would make me very tired -- not to the point of being passed out, but sort of just being to groggy or unconcerned to resist what a man was doing to me. Of course, for safety reasons, I would not every put myself in that situation in real life, unless it was with someone I knew really well and trusted. I have had this one kind of elaborate fantasy of taking some Ambien, having some really kinky sex or just giving myself up to someone in a way that I would not fully recall in the morning, but then watch a video of myself and what I did.
But I know that sounds a little bit fucked up, which is why I have never done it, and probably never will. I could never risk it with a stranger, and I don't think I'd ever be bold to ask a boyfriend to do that to be because -- yeah, I know -- it sounds a little psycho.
(Thanks for the comment and question, Thierry. Anyone else? I'll answer anything.)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Hi again, Kami.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind me writing again. I don't want to be your only commenter, so I waited a bit to see if someone else would respond. Well, I guess I waited long enough. :-)
Anyway, once again I found this post very interesting. I've read a few comments about Ambien in the past few months and I am always curious to lear what someone thinks about it. I've never tried it, and probably never would. Not sure how I would react to such "freedom".
It seems as though the pill works by letting someone be sleepy, and not by putting them to sleep. ie: it temporarily destroys your worrys, which makes sleeping a lot easier. But loosing those worries must also be quite an interesting high. Anyway, I'll stop boring you with my theories.
As for your fantasies, I say DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM! Some fantasies should never be acted upon. I'm not a big fan of "trying new things with strangers". But what you've mentioned above seems perfectly normal to me. Not everyone would think this, of course. But then again, try looking for a compatible and responsible boyfriend. You might be surprised to find out what he likes.
Thank you for the interesting post.
Hi Thierry~
ReplyDeleteOf course I don't mind you writing again! :-) It's nice to know someone is reading my blog. I just wish I knew if there were more people out there.